“Do not cast me off in my old age”: Cherishing those who go before us

Julian Paparella

Saturday, July 27, 2024

The beginning and end of life are challenging but beautiful times. They are like the dawn and the sunset of our time here on earth. For each one of us, there has been a beginning, and for all of us, there will be an end. When we come into the world, we are cared for, loved, and surrounded with affection. So too at the end of life, we need care, love, and affection. When we see a baby, we often get a sense of joy, seeing this new life as a precious gift. Do we see elderly persons with a similar sense of gratitude and wonder for the life they have lived?

The way we look at the elderly not only affects how they see themselves: it also affects how society will look at us, when we who are now young become elderly ourselves. Every act of tenderness, solidarity, and presence with those who are elderly is a drop in the ocean of compassion that sends out ripples towards a society that appreciates who they are and does not abandon them in the final chapters of life.

The theme for this year’s World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly is: “Do not cast me off in my old age” (Psalm 70:9). In his annual Message, Pope Francis recounts how as Archbishop of Buenos Aires, he would visit nursing homes and realize how rarely the residents received visitors: “Some had not seen their family members for many months.”

The pope puts before us a sad reality that calls us to action. How many of our elderly relatives and neighbours are lonely, house-bound, in hospital, or in nursing homes? How often do people go to visit them?

For those of us who are fortunate enough to have known our grandparents, we may have had the gift of accompanying them through the final years or even the final moments of life. Maybe some of us have had that same experience with our own parents. Maybe we have friends who have gone before us, and we have been able to journey with them through the last stages of life.

This journey can be a trying time, an emotional rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. It can be a period of heightened tension in families with many decisions to be made. Whatever the case may be, let us seize the opportunity to cherish those who go before us. We are all in the same boat and one day we will be in their shoes. We can recall Jesus’ Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). We may one day be isolated, bed-ridden, or suffer from memory loss. That may very well be me. It can be a challenge to be with someone who is sick or suffering, but our response to them cannot be distance: it must be closeness. Seeing human frailty – in ourselves or in others, in mind or in body – can be off-putting. Yet the most meaningful response we can offer is to be supportive and do our best to walk with the person, sharing in whatever moments of joy and connection that we can.

It can be as simple as holding their hand, smiling at them, bringing them something to eat, praying with them, or offering them some concrete help like cutting their nails, shaving their face, or putting on hand cream. In some instances, the person may not even be in a state of mind to be able to understand or appreciate what we are doing for them. Whatever the case may be, we can trust that deep within, our presence and love make a difference for them, just as being with them makes a difference for us. They are moments to last a lifetime, and beyond.

Lord, You never abandon any of Your children. You walk with us from life’s first moments till the very end, and You love us all along the way. Help us to journey with our brothers and sisters who go before us, on their path to seeing You face to face. Amen.