What does it mean to be a man? Searching for masculinity in the light of the Gospel

Julian Paparella

Friday, August 22, 2025

Photo of two men, one younger and one older, walking along a path and laughing. The younger man has his arm around the older man's shoulder.

In many societies around the world, the last century ushered in a new era in the relationship between men and women. It is incredible to think that until just over a century ago, women in Canada didn’t even have the right to vote. This crucial search for equality between genders, which in many ways is still ongoing, seems to be having something of a ricochet effect in our day. We are observing something of a swing towards expressions of masculinity that try to justify violence, aggression, lawlessness, and the recourse to sheer force. On the level of nations, power-hungry men wage wars that devastate innocent populations. Meanwhile, a misplaced sense of the “white male” as the unjust target of discrimination fuels racist and misogynistic rhetoric and sentiments that spill over into violent acts and outbursts.

If the 20th century rightly asked what role women should have in society, the 21st century seems to be searching for answers to what men’s role is in society. In this search for what it means to be a man, the risk is to grasp at hasty answers that lead society in the wrong direction. If the rightful search for gender equality sought a more just, human society, the search for the wrong kind of masculinity risks making society less just and less human.

So where are we to look to find what it means to be a man in today’s world? What is the path to a more human society?

In Jesus is found the fullness of what it means to be human. Jesus also reveals the fullness of what it means to be a man. Not because he experienced all that every man has ever experienced, but rather because who we are called to be is revealed in the light of his way of being and his way of relating to others. In the life of every man, it is possible to put into practice the core attitudes of Jesus, to live according to his heart. Jesus is not violent or vengeful. He does not resort to domination or egocentrism. Jesus’ heart overflows in dedication to others, lived out in mercy, compassion, and genuine care for those in need. These virtues, on full display in the pages of the Gospel, may sound cliché, like something taught to children at Sunday school. Yet we witness all too often how direly they are lacking in the dramatic scenes playing out before our eyes in today’s world.

Is being a man about waging war or building peace? Is it about throwing your weight around or putting yourself at the service of others?

For those of us who are men, the vision we have of masculinity impacts the kind of society in which we live, just as the way that women live out their femininity affects the nature of society. Do we see being a man more in terms of being a warrior or a peacemaker, more as a bully or as a bridge-builder? Is being a man about defeating your enemies or caring for those who need help? A “mixed martial arts” vision of masculinity moves society in the wrong direction. Being a man is not about overpowering others with brute strength or intimidation. Violence estranges us from who we truly are.

What it means to be a man cannot be understood in a vacuum. “No man is an island,” as Thomas Merton famously wrote. The experience of being an “island” – of feeling isolated or isolating oneself – can easily breed animosity. A desperate sense of being ‘hard done by,’ rooted in an underlying assumption of entitlement, leads to throwing stones rather than reaching out to others. The meaning of what it is to be a man – like the meaning of what it is to be human – takes shape in meaningful relationships. Being a man is not how much strength we can muster in our own corner of the gym. It is about how we invest ourselves in deep relationships of care and mutual responsibility. It is in these relationships that we learn how to love, how to live together, and how to dedicate our lives to others. In this sense, our identity is others-centred. It is not about being turned in on ourselves, but rather turned outwards towards others.

In the 2007 movie The Bucket List, Morgan Freeman’s character asks two existential questions to his wealthy but ailing friend, played by Jack Nicholson. First, “have you found joy in your life?” Second, “has your life brought joy to others?” We can ask ourselves: is our way of being men ultimately oriented towards bringing joy to others? If not, we may want to change course.

Jesus, in You, God became man so that humanity could share in the fullness of love. Make our hearts like Yours and lead us together into the peace and joy of Your Kingdom. Amen.